I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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