y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
