In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
