K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
