Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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