and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
