went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
