Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
