so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
