If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
