that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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