Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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