No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
