Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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