the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
