Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
