just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
