So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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