dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
