Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
