had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
