coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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