I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
