so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
