it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
