As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
