There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
