Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
