WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
