You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
