Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
third nipple confirmed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
