The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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