im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
