Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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