and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
