I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
