I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
