I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
how does that bad decision feel?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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