It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
