i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
