I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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