I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
