he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
