She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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