I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
