Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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