clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
