I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
