i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
