Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
