I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
