my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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