he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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