Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
