I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
